Sometimes I do the math just to understand the equation
It's not as perplexing when defined mathematically
But the reality of a simple number is surreal when interpreted in years
People struggle to hit the high end of a single digit
More often then not, "the odds" skew the outcome, and the addition doesn't add up
So I subtract my feelings to "show my work", and begin all over again
(Fourteen)
The low end of a totem pole that stretches to infinity
Prepubescent, with cartoon dreams, I pedaled everywhere I went
I was in seventh gear on a five speed, "no hands"
You caught me off guard like a speed bump
And all I could do, was eat shit
I remember the teenage terminology we used so our parents wouldn't catch on
The "143's" when we checked our pagers
I was 00, you were 17, and the situation was ALWAYS 911
Mine was the color of baby-shit brown, and yours was a soft blue
You'd call me "kid", and I'd smile
I remember when my Schwynn became a Chevy
And I'd sit in it just to play the radio
"So in love were we two, just couldn't wait to say I do"
As we rode the waves of a shitty Oxnard radio station
We really were in a world of our own.
(Eighteen)
To smart to realize I was dumb
Raging hormones and bad decisions
It was the "dun dun dun", that could have ended our story
I remember it like it was yesterday, or worst case scenario, the day before
Standing at the "kiddie beach" with an oversized cell phone
Bad reception relaying my passage into parenthood
My mom's tears, my father's bad advice
It's the walks you go on that you don't brag about, that are worth the steps
And that day my feet bled
I remember your belly, and what was going on in my brain
I remember (nineteen) every time I look at Anthony
I remember how fast it turned into
(Twenty)
Stuck on the hype of "Party of Five"
We had our second child before I had my first legal drink
I remember Bailey's eyes, and knowing nothing had ever effected me as much
I remember the houses we've lived in, and how far we've come
As I watch old movies, I search for a memory, that made you, make it work
Every single time I come up empty handed
Despite the buttons on my remote, there's no "freeze frame" in the world
That will pause a picture
In which I deserved you
And for that I'm sorry
What were once empty apologies, are now full blown regrets
The boy in the pictures, didn't deserve the girl on his arm
So when people see the photos and praise us for such longevity
Know that I'm aware of the anarchy erupting just outside the lens
Not every moment was Kodak
But you held my hand none the less
(Twenty six)
I remember lying in a bed in Palmdale discussing our future
I can't pinpoint the night we decided to have Brody
But I smile every time I try
Graduations, birthdays and drug problems
Boompa, Kaylene, and Tink
At my highest, you've kept me grounded
And at my lowest, you've held me up
You now know the secrets other would never assume I'd never tell you
You've seen me naked, and in all honesty...
That statement has nothing to do with clothes
There's many things I want in life
They lie in the shadows of the things I already posses
I was happy to buckle them up in the backseat
As long as you were always riding shotgun
I wouldn't be a Daddy, or a writer, or even me
If it wasn't for you
Thank you, Danielle
(Twentynine)
A couple days before eleven years of marriage
So many variables to come up with one answer
You were the scholar, not me
But I've been giving it my best shot and I think I'm down to the basics
Fifteen years
Twenty-seven "one night breakups"
Nine cars
Five crazy parents
Five siblings
Four houses, three apartments
Two boys
One girl
Divided by
Fourteen hundred DVDs
Thirty five tattoos
Eleven garden gnomes
Five long drives across country
Three nieces
Two nephews
Three dogs
And a turtle
Multiplied by
Seventeen seasons of Survivor
Several pet names
Numerous trips to Vegas
Plenty of drunken nights
Two weddings
A zillion cups of coffee
Scraped knees
And hurt feelings
Minus
Mountains of debt
Countless tears
Over a decade of diapers
Fifty fights
Twenty torn pictures
Ten trips to the ER
One broken heart
And several bad journal entries
Then add
Deep kisses
Priceless smiles
Held hands
First words
Long stares
Mini vacations
Awesome makeup sex
And truths told
And I keep coming up with the same god damn answer, Babe
It all equals one love
In one lifetime
With endless possibilities ahead of it